Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
