At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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