he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its liver damage thursday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
