I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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