i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
