I must be too annoying 4 u.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
