I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
