dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
