Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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