I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
