Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
