It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
