If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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