i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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