She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
