I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
