you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
