I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
