I didn't shave. On purpose
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
