my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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