If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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