my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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