there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When are your genitals available?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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