the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
someone owes me an orgasm
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
