All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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