There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
