Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
