I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
