I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
