My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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