It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
