All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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