She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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