god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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