The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize