He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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