im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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