yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize