Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
