Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize