i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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