I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
