The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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