Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
