I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
