I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
