We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
