you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize