Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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