Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
