His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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