I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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