I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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