Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
