You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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