people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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