Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
