I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
