i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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