Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
