Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
