Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
