i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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