i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
