chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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