Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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