His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Welp...herpes.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
