I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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