i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
